I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
