mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
