dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
