She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
