I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize