Can Purell be used as lube?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
