So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
