Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
