Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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