Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
