Dual....:-)
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
