wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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