I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
