I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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