It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
