Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
