What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
