You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
