okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
