BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
