One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
