I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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