This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
