her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
