my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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