Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
