it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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