the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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