Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
