I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
