oh god the rape fog is back!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
