could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
