Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
