i already hear my dad disowning me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
