Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
