Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
