one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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