When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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