Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize