My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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