I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
