my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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