We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
