In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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