Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
