All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
