My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
