I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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