I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
