Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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