You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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