so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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