East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I puked a lego.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i now understand why vodka
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
