yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
