i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
