sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize