I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
