All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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