I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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