I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
