yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
