my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
