i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
