I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
